On the couch by the tv linked to my pc

Sounds like instagram or imgur?

Dialect is their own language. Don’t sell yourself short, because i can’t understand a word of hakka despite knowing mandarin and a little bit of cantonese and hokkien.

It’s more like most people are consuming and not participating so it’s the way it is.

I think you mean push past nihilism to get to absurdism or existentialism? Because it seems like OP feels like nothing matter in a negative way, the intense pessimism caused from the chronic illness is holding OP back from experience anything.