Shortly after entering adulthood, I lost a close friend. He was still in college at the time, a talented, friendly, bright light snuffed far too early. He was well loved and his funeral was so packed that it was standing room only. One attendee described it as “the most depressing class reunion ever.”

His loss has never left me.

Right before I got the phone call telling me the news, I had been feeling extremely down about myself. I was crossing my work parking lot (which I had to do regularly as part of my job) without looking up for moving cars, thinking that if I got hit, it wouldn’t have mattered.

But that same day, my phone rang. It was a mutual friend, and through obvious tears and a quavering voice, she told me, “John is dead!”

With that, everything changed.

I’ll never forget how much it hurt to lose somebody so important to me. The idea of purposely putting my friends through that has kept me going more times than I can count. I have to remind myself, even in my darkest, most self-hating moments, that I’m more important to others than I realize. I can’t imagine John would have known just how much of an impact he had made on others, but I saw the proof. I felt the pain. I love my friends and family too much to entertain the thought of making them attend my funeral. And so I push on, but with one change:

I now make a point to explicitly tell my friends how much they matter to me.

I’ve mentioned this before in other threads that seek a women-centric Lemmy option, but there was at least one secret community on Reddit like that. Invitees’ post histories were vetted before an invite was sent, both to find women specifically, but also to prevent trolls.

I don’t know exactly how they did it, all I know is that I got an invite one day and found the most open, comforting community I’d ever seen online. It was a place where we could talk about anything from silly stories that made us smile, to complaining about specific issues with bras, all without fear of trolls hijacking the thread, or turning an ordinary thing for us into something sexual.

I miss it.

It’s called “being an ally,” and it’s far more productive than faking outrage and borderline-doxxing people we disagree with.

Here we are 16 or 17-year-old girls showing up to these random college guys house.

Oh man. It’s scary how normal this is treated. I remember having friends with “older boyfriends” and I always felt really weirded out by it. Yet when you’re a kid (or teen, in this case) and your friends act like it’s normal to want adult boyfriends, you’re put in a really awkward position. I wasn’t able to fully articulate or even comprehend everything fucked up about it at the time, but as an adult looking back, holy shit. There’s an entire hidden social ecosystem where being groomed is not only considered normal, but can be seen as enviable by peers.

One time as a kid, a friend lent me her glasses (I never needed glasses, but I always liked them) and I went to climb a tree. In the tree, looking down, the glasses made it seem like I was much closer to the ground than I was.

So I jumped.

It was extremely stupid. There was a point during the fall when I felt like I should’ve reached the ground already, but I hadn’t. In the end I was fine, the glasses were fine, and my friend thought it was funny. But wow, that could’ve gone disasterously wrong.

The downvotes prove your point. This topic needs more discussion, but most of the times when women bring this up, their comments get downvoted to hell. It’s quite a “gotcha” for someone to ask to see “examples” when most of the examples we’ve come across or created will be buried or have since been deleted.

Alternative question - for those that don’t believe this is an issue, when is the last time you came across a post on Lemmy that is specifically for/about women or women’s issues (especially one posted from a woman’s perspective)? Or even better, go ahead and make such a post. Watch how fast the downvotes come.

I expect this comment to be downvoted the same way as the parent comment was, the same way that past posts I’ve made and read about women’s issues have been downvoted on Lemmy. If men want this place to be inclusive for women, they have to do their part to support us - not downvoting our concerns, simply because they don’t experience the same issues, is the absolute bare minimum. Otherwise, why would we keep posting/commenting about our issues when doing so invites a downvote cascade?

Is there a link describing “the three basic courtesy rules” that doesn’t go to Xitter? I can’t access that site (and wouldn’t want to even if I could, tbh.)

I tried searching for that phrase online and found generic “etiquette” lists, but without further context I can’t tell if I’m finding the same thing you’re referring to.

Thankfully, there are some designs that improve on this! Here’s what’s in my kitchen:

The brand is OXO, for anyone curious.

The keyboard I’m currently using has a key in the F-row that’s tied to a lock screen. I accidentally hit it several times a day, and end up having to put in the passcode to unlock the computer every time.

I wish I could disable that stupid key. I’m tempted to pop it right out. But I use a shared computer, so I’m limited in options here.

But good news about crafters.

Time to double-down on making ironic kitsch that say violent things but in a cute, folksy way. Like a pretty sign with script letters and flowers adorning the edges, saying Deny, Defend, Depose instead of Live, Laugh, Love.

critical thinking is tough

To preface, I don’t know a whole lot about AI bots. But we already see posts of the limitations of what AI can do/will allow, like bots refusing to repeat a given phrase. But what about actual critical thinking? If most bots are trained off human behavior, and most people don’t run on logical arguments, doesn’t that create a gap?

Not that it’s impossible to program such a bot, and again, my knowledge on this is limited, but it doesn’t seem like the aim of current LLMs is to apply critical thought to arguments. They can repeat what others have said, or mix words around to recreate something similar to what others have said, but are there any bots actively questioning anything?

If there are bots that question societal narratives, they risk being unpopular amongst both the ruling class and the masses that interact with them. As long as those that design and push for AI do so with an aim of gaining popular traction, they will probably act like most humans do and “not rock the boat.”

If the AI we interact with were instead to push critical thinking, without applying the biases that constrain people from applying it perfectly, that’d be awesome. I’d love to see logic bots that take part in arguments on the side of reason - it’s something a bot could do all day, but a human can only do for so long.

Which is why when I see a comment that argues a cogent point against a popular narrative, I am more likely to believe they are human. For now.

I’d really love to find a new radio for my car that: 1) can serve as a monitor for my back-up camera, and 2) isn’t a fucking touch screen.

There are models that are one or the other, but I haven’t found anything that’s both. The closest I’ve found is a compromise - a touchscreen that also has a few tactile controls. But I don’t want to have to rely on any touch screen when I’m driving. I simply don’t feel compelled enough to spend $400+ for a frustrating half-measure.

Isn’t .world the most populous instance? Hmm…

This is interesting. I get the impression that some admin/mods truly don’t understand how the Fediverse operates. They ban one (or a few) instance name(s), but there are so many more that they might not even recognize as Lemmy links, which get past the radar.

At the same time, there are fears here that .world could become disproportionately powerful compared to other instances, due to its high user count.

So in a way, Reddit blocking traffic to .world while permitting links to other instances can benefit us all. Smaller instances gain users, which is an important step toward balancing things out and keeping any one instance from becoming too powerful. Thanks, Reddit!

(I recognize the irony of saying this while having a .world account. I wasn’t aware of its standing in Lemmy when I made it. I am also still learning the Fediverse myself and don’t know how to transfer my account to another instance yet.)

As far as ways to filter for such positions, maybe look for roles that require traveling? At the very least, you’d be in a different location throughout your week.

By this logic, the less predictable your daily life is, the more “alive” you are.

So for a lot of us, to be “alive” is to experience constant anxiety about what’s about to happen.

…

Actually, that tracks.

It’s also worth noting that at the time, Samaritans were seen as an enemy. “To the Jews, a Samaritan was more revolting than a Gentile (pagan); Samaritans were half-breeds who defiled the true religion.”

So when it was written that a good Samaritan was an example of a neighbor, it was more impactful than the phrase implies today. Part of the point was to say that even those perceived as “enemies” are ordinary people that should be treated with the same dignity and care given to one’s own tribe.

That’s a silver lining, at least.

Does anyone have a suggestion for a new name?

It doesn’t need to be called the same thing.

I’m also not sure if it matters, but Troll X and Two X Chromosomes were very different subs. Troll X was more of a spin-off, and was never strictly for XX women - it was trans-inclusive by default. That’s what I’m hoping for here too.

Back when I used Reddit, one of my favorite subs was TrollX. If we had a sub with that spirit, it would be a good start.

Are there secret communities on Lemmy? Not that secret communities should be a default, but I was invited to a secret sub on Reddit years ago that was all women. It was a true safe space from harrassment, where we could talk about feminine things that we knew wouldn’t gain traction in main subs. I have no idea how it started, but I knew that users who were invited to join had previously been vetted by the sub’s mods - they saw that I’d made feminist posts and multiple comments about being a woman, and didn’t go around picking fights. It was like a background check.

I don’t believe there is any one solution, but starting with dedicated communities (in the spirit of TrollX), with mods that smack down misogyny and (actual) trolls, sounds like the best way to start.