I deserve all the bad things happening me
No you don’t. You do deserve living with and processing feelings of remorse about what you’ve done. You can give yourself a pass on things you think but don’t act on. Mostly, you deserve the grueling task of changing to become a better person.
Yeah, “softie” sounds like an insult. I’d rather have emotional intelligence than to be (or act) calloused to the world. Feelings are part of the human experience.