hello. that was really lovely to read.
i share a lot of similarities with your story. although honestly you seem to be faring much better than i have into my middle age.
there definitely was a successful future for me to be had. but i fell off that path hard a decade ago and now i have very little hope nor desire to find success in any standard measure.
it has been an interesting experience to discover exactly how and why i made the choices that have landed me in my current situation. i am well beyond regret or blame (per se), and am simply grateful for some tiny piece of reality to call my own.
honesty is important.
good luck.
i (longtime ex-mo) am fifth generation from Parley P Pratt who personally helped brother Joseph develop his insipid theology.
our ancestors stood together at ensign peak. such a proud history