Greetings.
I’m in quite of a pickle here, and just thinking about it will get me nowhere.
.
I attend a group hobby weekly.
Quite often we go for a follow-up hang-out in the local bar. I recall everyone else buying a drink and coming to sit down to have a chat.
I don’t buy anything. I wait for the first of us ordering and then I follow them to the table.
One of our attendees has commented on my behavior twice so far.
First she said that I’m a bum. That I use the bar’s staff and the place for my own benefit. There’s a chance that she said that in front of someone else.
Last night she commented that I’m still doing this (we two sat alone for a while). She’s afraid that they’ll throw us out because of my behavior.
I explained that I rarely buy stuff from bars.
On the second comment I said that I’ll probably continue this behavior to the end of times and they won’t throw us out because everyone else spends money. And that my friend said that she or her friends do the same thing quite commonly.
I could have felt her loathing upon me.
I don’t have the money to buy pricy consumables.
I have my own water bottle and sometimes snacks from a market to keep my belly full enough. Or then I don’t eat anything and eat later.
I’m there because of the company.
The employees haven’t commented anything about my behavior. I don’t know, would they even care.
.
Thoughts?
Am I unfair or is she?
I’m thinking about asking her next time that should I just leave if I’m such a bother to her.
I’m also thinking about suggesting us to talk about this as a group.
.
EDIT: I don’t think this is about alcohol. I believe most of them order something else cos it’s late Monday and most people go to work the next day.
EDIT2: We don’t have the tipping culture here.
EDIT3: Thanks for all the comments! You give my mind and feels some peace 💗
As far as the staff are concerned If the place is packed then I think it’s a tad dickish to repeatedly not get anything. It’s there’s still lots of free space then it’s no big deal.
WRT to your other buddies you are taking a bit of a privilege, if all the other people you were going with were also unwilling to buy anything then you would run into trouble wouldn’t you. Pointing out someone isn’t buying is imo much much ruder though.
Although personally dropping a fiver every 2 weeks to avoid interpersonal conflict seems like a pretty good deal. Ultimately how your other friends view it and the social standing of the complainer matter a lot. If the hobby has shared supplies I would make extra sure that you are contributing your fair share there.
If most other people didn’t buy anything, they probably wouldn’t choose to hang out at a bar, and there wouldn’t be a problem. As it stands, OP isn’t hurting anyone, and anything they’re “taking” by being there and not buying is likely negligible.
Based on the staff never having an issue with it, it sounds like in OP’s case that they’re not taking a seat in a packed place, either.
If the place is packed it still wouldn’t change anything for the business. It’s not like OP’s spot at the table would be occupied by a random patron, it’d be an empty chair at the table that OP’s friends are sitting at. But yeah I can’t imagine being that frugal and still going to bars. I would either invite everybody to go some place free (the park when it’s nice out, my place if it’s close enough) or indeed just buy a drink every now and then.
I’ve never seen the place packed. Maybe 33% full tops.
WRT?
.
Everyone else orders.
I’m not familiar with this saying. Meaning?
Nope. Everyone buys their consumables with their own money after the hobby time, separately from the hobby activity.
With Regards To
Spending a relatively small amount of money. Fiver referring to the denomination of the currency. £5, €5, $5, etc. About the price of one drink.